Woosh!

The plane was taking off when I noticed the woman beside me clutching her armrest.

“Want to hold my hand?” I asked her, assuming she was nervous.

She said no cuz it’s weird to do that with a stranger lol.

BUT we got to talking about how I lowkey run my relationship like a business…

Which is what inspired today’s email article.

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Weekly reflections

At the end of every week, my partner and I do a relationship check in.

Kind of like a weekly 1-on-1 with your manager,

Where you’re supposed to talk about your growth and development in the company.

And ngl it’s a lot more effective than the AITA subreddit where the solution to every challenge is to break up 😩

Here’s what I learned

As a shy ADHD girly sensitive to rejection, I didn’t communicate well…

But I watched this video to support my friend’s content creation and it unlocked so much for me.

After I implemented his advice, my partner told me my communication was a lot better 🥰 

I also felt like I understood his point of view a lot more, so I didn’t get as upset at being misunderstood.

Plus, I applied that to all areas of my life (including my business) which allowed me to be more consistent.

I’ll share an example…

The OPENER framework

O = observation (not judgment)

PE = pure emotion

N = need

E = example

R = request

Example (for relationships)

Observation

I notice when I make a mistake or do something you don’t agree with,

You tend to lead with a question which puts me on the defensive,

Even though I know you’re just trying to understand.

Pure Emotion

It makes me feel a bit discouraged from sharing things

Like I will be judged/shamed for them.

Need

I need to feel like I’m still “worthy” and accepted.

Example

Instead of starting with asking “why did you do this?”

Share a validating statement:

“I can see you care about this and had this intention, but it didn’t turn out how you wanted.”

Then share how it makes you feel:

“When I hear this, it makes me feel anxious because in the past, this happened to me.”

Then I won’t be as defensive.

Request

I want to have a shared understanding behind where the questions are coming from,

So I don’t feel like I’m being put on trial.

Example (self-validation)

In this situation, I posted a video I thought would do well but didn’t.

Observation

I observe (NOT judge or think I’m a failure) that people swiped away in the first few seconds,

So my hook could be stronger.

Pure Emotion

I feel frustrated, discouraged, and misunderstood

Because I put time into this video and people don’t seem to get it…

Need

I need to know I’m worthy, competent, and have the skills to make this work as a full-time content creator.

Example

If I had to give an example of what a coach would say to me, I’d say:

“This video didn’t perform like I expected, but it’s not a reflection of my worth as a person. I deserve kindness regardless of whether I accomplish a specific number or not. I can learn to improve next time, I just gotta trust the process and stay consistent.”

Request

I request myself to practice self-compassion and try again with a new hook.

That’s how I can stay consistent and keep trying,

Even if I get discouraged and the task doesn’t feel rewarding.

What do you think about the OPENER framework?

Anything you agree/disagree with?

Til next Monday,

Jennifer