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This is gonna be a very personal email.

I’m sharing some lessons I learned recently about communication and why it’s so important.

But it’s something we don’t really learn in school.

P.S. for a more lighthearted take on my personal development journey, check out this presentation I made about how I’m therapymaxxing and organizing my notes/journaling 😂 

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Communication at work

Time is money.

At work, I’m very direct:

But using this communication style isn’t great for personal relationships.

I’m not great with conflict

When someone tells me I hurt them, I rush to defend myself.

Them: “what you said/did felt inconsiderate of my feelings, I would’ve appreciated if you provided emotional support instead of just sharing solutions.”

Me: *rushing to explain how I didn’t mean to hurt them and how my intentions were good*

But this is what I should have done:

1. Ask questions about what they said (to validate their feelings, show I care, and give them an opportunity to elaborate)

2. Say what I heard (to make sure I understand them)

3. Share how I feel (not blaming anyone - framing it as us against the problem not us against each other)

I used to rush to explain myself because I wanted to be understood.

But I realized the other person was often looking for the same thing:

To be understood.

And by talking about myself, my feelings, and my intentions first, it might feel like they’re not being heard.

But how do you communicate?

Practical reminders:

• Being vulnerable means building deeper connections - it can be scary but worth it

• Express gratitude and be specific what you appreciate about the other person

• Over-communicate - don’t make assumptions

2 stories that might inspire you

I remembered I shouldn’t make assumptions.

I thought it was obvious I cared for my friends.

But we all have that voice inside us…

“You’re a burden.”

“People don’t care about what you’re sharing.”

And sometimes we just need to hear something like this:

“Thank you for sharing. I find this insightful and enjoy hearing your thoughts.”

So that’s exactly what I said to my friend. It made me feel more grateful.

Another time, I was on the train in Sydney.

(Btw, their train seats are reversible. Coolest thing I’ve ever seen.)

I saw this older woman who had the most elegant aura. She looked like Moira from Schitt’s Creek.

Another time, I saw a lady with the most beautiful curls and fashion sense ever.

I told both those people my honest thoughts about them:

That I thought they were cool and admired their energy.

And they lit up.

I just thought if someone was thinking nice things about me, I’d love to hear it.

That’s why I did something scary and spoke up.

It was worth it.

See you in your inbox again next Monday!

Jennifer