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Ding!

I checked my phone. A notification.

“WORK ON BLOGWRITING COURSE!!”

It was 8pm on a Saturday, and my weekly calendar reminder just went off.

I missed the deadline I set for myself again.

“Why am I so lazy? I don’t work hard enough, I’ll never be successful.”

I’d been procrastinating for months,

But still made 0 progress towards my business -

The one that would give me freedom to travel the world.

But now, 2 years later, I’m doing exactly that

(Writing this from a beachside hotel rn).

So what happened?

Did I magically find the secret to being consistent and disciplined?

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Coach A and Coach B

Once my therapist explained this story (from an ADHD book) to me,

I never looked at life the same way:

There was a boy named Johnny.

He was playing baseball when he missed the ball.

Coach A berated him.

“That was such an easy shot, you’re useless!”

Johnny feels terrible and is discouraged from trying again.

But what if he had Coach B?

Someone who told him,

“It’s okay - just adjust your form a bit and try again! You’ll improve next time.”

Johnny would shake it off and step back up to bat, right?

If we can see that Coach B is more effective,

Why do we talk to ourselves like Coach A?

If I was telling myself I was lazy and unsuccessful,

Why would I be motivated to keep trying?

So here’s how I changed my thinking…

Observation, not evaluation

I learned this from a book called Nonviolent Communication.

It talks about the importance of observing before (or instead of) evaluating, or judging.

Instead of telling myself a judgment -

That I was lazy,

I could’ve made an observation -

That I wasn’t working on my blog.

Then, I could’ve treated myself with more compassion by being curious -

Asking why I wasn’t working on my blog.

Only after clearly defining what the problem is -

That I kept associating it with boring work and not fun,

Could I come up with an effective solution -

Making it more fun - like working on it at cute libraries.

Try it yourself

1. Make an observation (not a judgment) about something you’re struggling with

2. Be curious about it - ask yourself why 5 times

3. Clearly identify the root cause or the problem

4. Brainstorm a solution to test out

Example

Observation: when I think about starting my own business, I feel overwhelmed so I keep ignoring calendar reminders to work on it. I also don’t know where to start.

Curiosity: why do I keep avoiding figuring out my business?

• Because I don’t know if what I’m doing is right, I keep changing my mind

• Why am I so uncertain about this?

• Because I feel like I need to get it right the first time I start, so I don’t make costly mistakes

• Why do I need to get it right or why am I so scared of mistakes?

• Because I am a perfectionism and put a lot of pressure on myself

• Why do I put pressure on myself?

• Because I’m scared of something bad happening if I fail, like getting judged or losing something (money, time)

• Why do I feel like I’ll lose something if I fail? Is failing really that bad?

• Because I keep thinking from a scarcity mindset (I have limited money/time, I’ll lose things, etc.) instead of abundance mindset (I have a lot of time to try things and learn, I’ll gain experience so time is never wasted)

Root cause: scarcity vs abundance mindset

Solution: reframe things as an investment to be gained, rather than something to be lost. Set a clear timeline to experiment and learn (not fail - failing is just learning). Start by asking people and researching.

Now it’s your turn! Try this yourself and you might be surprised at what you uncover 😌

Til next Monday,

Jennifer